The China Syndrome…

is a fictional 1979 movie starring Jane Fonda, Michael Douglas, and Jack Lemmon. It’s premise is a news reporter and her cameraman (Fonda and Douglas) film a simulated emergency shutdown of a nuclear reactor. In typical Hollywood fashion, something goes awry.

For those not in the know, nuclear power is generated by radioactive elements, generally uraniam, which is ‘reacted’ to create heat, which in turn creates steam, which turns a turbine and you guessed it, creates electricity.

The premise of the China Syndrome, and hence it’s name, is that if a nuclear reactor were to explode etc, then it would melt through the earth to China, similar to the colloquial, ever efficient digger.

The reason I raise it is that my pelvis presently resembles a malfunctioning nuclear reactor. You know those wheat packs that you put in the microwave and then put on a sore muscle etc??? It’s like I have one of those permanently implanted in my pelvis. It doesn’t so much hurt, more, a constant reminder that I’m having some serious treatment.

Another side effect stems from the fact that my bladder is hit by the radiation, notwithstanding the best effort of my RT’s in shaping the radiation beams around the important bits. I’ve never had the clap, but I imagine that this is what it feels like. Not quite pissing razor blades, more like liquid lava with bits of jagged, semi cooled chunks in it.

Another less-PG side effect is diarrhoea. It. Fucking. Sucks. In one session today I did three courtesy flushes and still the sludge flowed like i was delivering concrete. Even worse is that it itself burns. Your stomach churns like an old witch tending to her cauldron and then next minute, my asshole resembles Mt Vesuvius.

The main side effect is fatigue. As discussed in an earlier post, prior to experiencing it I didn’t think it existed. It’s fast and silent in it’s approach, much like a gagged ninja. I spent Monday of this week on the couch, which in itself wasn’t a bad thing, I watched some US college football and generally convalesced like a lad of leisure. When it hits though it’s profound. I’m talking about not being able to physically get up off the lounge, bed, floor. I’m talking about falling asleep all over the shop like a narcoleptic taking stillnox and a valium just for shits and giggles.

And so completes my first block of chemoradiation. Other than the radiation side effects and some very mild effects from the chemo tablets I take, I’ve again escaped pretty much unscathed. Touch wood that continues.

Until next time, channelling Jerry Springer, “be kind to your colons, and each other”.

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